• Ryan McRostie

UN To Tackle Worldwide Horniness.

Horniness has become endemic in some countries.

Dramatic scenes today as the leader of the UN António Guterres addressed the assembly in Geneva. "We have tackled the coronavirus, and we've had nations struggle with their economies", he said, "but now we have to battle the latest scourge to hit the planet. Worldwide horniness"!

Horniness has reached levels not seen before due to lockdown being put in place in many countries. "basically you have many people locked in their houses, unable to go out, and in a lot of cases in close proximity to relatives and unable to knock one out," said Ilene Fisher of the Coalition for Wankers.

Pornhub has tried to alleviate the problem by allowing access to its premium feature, but some say it has only exacerbated the problem. Mr Guterres concluded his speech by saying, "I implore people to use everything in their arsenal to combat this new threat. Meditation is great, and if all else fails, do like me and pretend you're locked in the bath".

The US is yet to comment on the issue.

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