- Ryan McRostie
Trump: Shooting Yourself In The Head Could Cure Virus!

He's one of the greatest real estate investors of all time, according to himself; now this confidence has led to the President weighing in on medical advice when it comes to coronavirus.
"If people who tested positive for the virus put a small bullet through their brains this would cure the virus I'm sure, a hundred per cent", said Mr Trump. "What you've got is a little virus and he, or she, because we don't know the virus's sex yet, is playing hidey-hidey from us. I believe that it makes sense that the brain is the most likely place for this to happen".
While technically "curing" patients in this way, most MD's agree that this would also result in the death of the patient. The President has called the procedure "bullet therapy", and is expected to roll out by the end of the day.