• Ryan McRostie

Street Performer Thrown Into River.


Police are urging people not to pretend to be statues by the river.

A street performer has been thrown into the Thames after protesters mistook him for a statue. Statues across the UK are being targeted for their ties to nefarious activities in the past.


“The guy was performing on the Southbank when the demonstrators came past”, said one eye witness, “they just picked him up and chucked him in the river”.


Locals in the area have argued they should have been able to throw the “artists” in water all along. “they’re really annoying”, said Jennifer Cambell, “I hope that when the lockdown finishes the council will let it continue”.


One mime, who has student debts of £80,000 from her time at mime school told Hotwire, “My fiancé was thrown in the river three weeks ago, and he sank to the bottom without even moving or trying to swim. Such an inspiration”!


Street performers are being instructed not to stay in the same position for more than 5 minutes to avoid being confused with real monuments..

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