Royal Family Running Dangererously Low On Butlers.
Updated: Apr 27, 2020
In a statement released by The House of Windsor, it's been revealed that the many Royals are running low on hired help. "It's an astonishing development", said one Royal commentator, "how the country got in this situation is beyond me"!
Royals are said to be at breaking point across the country with the army looking to fill the gap in case the Windsors are rendered butlerless. "We have some of the finest killers on the planet", said Major Colin Constable, "if we have to change their job description then that's what we'll do".
Not since the butler strike of 1850 has the Royal Family had to do such tasks as tying their own shoelaces. Butlers are believed to be highly susceptible to COVID-19 because of their low nutritional diet and suspected use of class A drugs on weekends. "We've got the remaining Butlers on vitamins and supplements to help them carry on", said the head of the Butler Union Charlie Wingrove, "what we really want is equal pay and rights for our butlers, similar to what our comrades who work for the Saudis"!
People wishing to volunteer to become a butler during the crisis are urged to contact the national butler pandemic helpline.