• Ryan McRostie

Man Has Self Isolating Wank In Field.

Updated: Apr 3


Desperate to get away from his family for some "me-time", Andy Parker found time today to get away for a wank in a field near his house. "It was hell in there for a while", he said, "I used to have the house to myself"! Now things are different for Andy, with the kids at home and wife coming in to say "hi", Andy's favourite pastime was under threat. "The only thing I have is this" he added, "Wanking. That's it"! Men around the country have had their one last pleasure stolen from them in what some are calling the hidden tragedy of the epidemic. There has been a call for the government to step in and provide tents as temporary safe spaces for men facing long stints without a good session of self-love. "We're following this situation very closely and realise the impact this is having on some men's lives", said Chief Inspector Arthur Taylor, "I plan to knock one out in the squad car on the way home"!

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