God Eases Access To Heaven.
God has relaxed entry into Heaven for the first time in centuries. The move comes during what is expected to be a significant increase in the number of applications to enter through the pearly gates.
"It's been a long time coming", said the Pope, "but hopefully these new measures will see many more enjoying the best of Christianity has to offer"! The new guidelines will mean people with small discretions made earlier on in life will be considered 'good enough' to get into Heaven".
These infractions include leaving the scene of an accident, robbing a store before the age of twenty-five, and enjoying the music of Nickelback. An angel who spoke to hotwire on the condition of anonymity told Hotwire that not everyone was happy with relaxing the criteria.
"Heaven has always been a kind of special place so what's happening is concerning", he said, "the other day I saw someone doing a line of coke in the angel's toilets. God knows why he's doing this"!