Fashion icon Donatella Versace has confirmed she will fight Conner McGregor in May in what is believed to be the first male vs female match of its kind. Those close to the Italian have said she is, "more than a match for McGreggor". "We’re really excited to be putting...

Rich horse faced people from around the country have been calling their doctors and clogging NHS helplines this evening after a number of them were taken to hospital and diagnosed with the disease. “It’s terrible to see them in that condition”, said the brother of one...

He’s the king of online shopping, but in recent interviews, Jeff Bezos has given completely conflicting accounts when with regards to the size of his cock. “People are always wondering,  if he has all the money in the world, I wonder how big willy is”, said Sarah Palme...

A student from St Mary’s Primary School has pulled up her teacher with regards to teaching style. “He’s always like, do an L like this and write an A like that! I’m over this omnipresent godforsaken patriarchy”! Male teachers across the country are finding it increasin...

The Prime Minister of the UK has come to parliament with a gun to her head. In what was first received as some kind of invalid threat, the head of the government then put a bullet in the chamber and proceeded to play Russian roulette. “She was screaming ‘ I’ll fucking...

With his divorce imminent, Jeff Bezos is back on the market and plans to spend his money on maybe his most difficult venture yet, trying to make himself look cool. Sonia Higgins from Vogue Magazine told us “the people who are trying to make Jeff look stylish have their...

A man who underwent genetic testing with a home kit has discovered he carries the dreaded “arsehole gene”. “I was surprised and upset”, said Jason, “but my wife wasn’t shocked at all”. Many are deciding to take undego genetic testing, either because they’re curious abo...

A mermaid spotted off the Kent Coast has been seen with what experts are saying could be a record-breaking faecal trail. “It’s absolutely huge”, said one local fisherman, "I hooked onto it with my road and thought I'd landed a whale"! Although mermaid sightings are qui...

Newly released documents from Russia have shown that national hero Lyca was far than happy to end up as a space dog. “We’ve used the latest technology to analyse recordings of Lyca before she went into space”, said Ivan Pavlov, Head of Space Research and State Propagan...

With the latest cold snap and chaos in parliament over Brexit, Theresa May has come up with the ingenious plan to leave the negotiations to a snowman she made last night. “I expect I’ll get a lot more loyalty from this guy than some of my colleagues in the party”, said...